The Reading Perch
Hello Starlings,
WEcome to The Reading Perch…
A place where I highlight reading resources that I think are of great value, all dedicated to the relationship topics that captivate us. You’ll find both newer publications and all-time classics spotlighted here.
XO,
Anne
ANNE’S winter PICKS
For our first edition of the reading perch, I’ve picked two books that are ideal for couples to dive into together. Both books have the goal to open up conversation between two partners in new, dynamic ways. Couples, your homework is to read these together. (No, I don’t mean literally out loud to each other, I mean simply both partners go forth and read on your own, in your own time. But if reading aloud is your thing, do you!)
I’ve selected these with a mind toward my upcoming self-paced online premarital enrichment course (MORE ON THAT HERE) launching later this Spring. These picks are a perfect complement to the course.
The All-or-Nothing Marriage
By Eli J. Finkel
"The All-Or-Nothing Marriage" should be required reading for anyone crossing the threshold into married life. Author Eli Finkel, psychology professor and researcher at Northwestern, poses to the reader one singularly important question, and one often overlooked in the excitement of early love: what do you want to ask of your marriage? What are the needs and goals you’re looking for your marriage to help you fulfill? Are the requests reasonable in light of what you’re investing in it?
The book provides an overview of the history of marriage but more importantly a history of marriage’s changing functions across time. Finkel offers the hypothesis that contemporary marriages are increasingly becoming either incredibly fulfilling or extremely dissatisfying, leaving little room for middle-ground. And those that are incredibly fulfilling seem to be functioning as a container for personal self-discovery, growth, and emotional expression. In previous generations, marriages didn’t seek to meet those “self-actualization” needs. Finkel outlines a roadmap, with practical advice and strategies, to move you closer to the expressive marriage you may be seeking.
Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
By Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz
I love this book because it is something couples do. It’s experiential.
The premise is this: each chapter directs you and your partner to go out on a date together with a conversation topic assigned for the date. The 8 topics are trust, conflict, sex, money, family, adventure, spirituality, and dreams. Each chapter provides open-ended questions to prompt and guide conversation.
Whether you are a new couple building a strong foundation or a long-term partnership aiming to reconnect, "Eight Dates" helps you learn about your differences and nurture your shared hopes and dream.
"Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love" is written by renowned marriage researchers and clinicians, Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman. It draws on their forty years of clinical wisdom from their world-famous Love Lab.
Landing soon on the perch… 
